A Stigma within Society

She trudged through the, overgrown brush at the base of a mountain. She craved for an opportunity to show off every feature which defined her. Her appearance remained flawless through the thicket  Her nails polished, make-up and hair perfectly placed. In her best formal gown, with stilettos to match, she found a path that led straight to the top. She laughed because the pathway was easy. She couldn't understand why everyone complained about how hard life was. She inhaled the sweet breeze and laughed at how her voice carried effortlessly over the top. She was proud of who she was and what she had become. Vanity had taken a firm hold in her mind, glasses would detract from her perfect features. She lied to herself, she didn't intend to show this flaw.

Invisible voices pleaded with her to open her eyes and pay attention to a jagged rocky bed. Their efforts fell upon deaf ears. One by one, no longer wanting to waste their parched voices, they faded away with the winds. She didn't look to their direction until the last moment when saw she was utterly alone. She pleaded for them not to leave her.

She stumbled on a rock and in a desperate attempt to save herself she waved her arms out to her sides to balance. She cursed at strong mountainous winds for not giving her the break she deserved. As the wind kicked up and gained strength, it blew her hair out of its perfect place. In her effort to maintain her perfect appearance, she raised her hands to her head, lost her balance and fell all the way to bottom. It was a rough, long, unmerciful fall. She landed broken, sobbing and covered in blood. She slumped, cried, kicked and screamed. Not because she was injured, but because she thought everyone would laugh at her fall and the tangled mess she was. She wanted nothing more than to regain her place at the top of the mountain. Yet, at the same time wished a big hole would open up and swallow her. She screamed wildly into the cold dark air, crying and punching the steep walls of the mountain until her hands were bleeding. 

Instead of admitting defeat and asking for help, she chose to walk, broken, cold and alone. Everyday she found herself more exiled, doomed to walk through the dark wilderness. She blamed everything which had happened to her on something other than herself. She wandered through the opening in the brush, into sand and stones at the bottom of the mountain. It was useless because no matter where she was, it was always dark. She never saw the sun rise. It was a vicious circle and she was exhausted. She gave up all hope of standing atop of the mountains with those she cared about. She sat on a small rock in the dark and waited for death to find her.

 This is just the beginning to what appears to be such a tragic story. Through out the next several months I plan on telling my story to the world. Just to show and to PROVE we are not a stigma We are not the illness we were diagnosed with. I am the exact same person I was when we met last year.  

This is ME... this is my story. 

I may not have a whole lot to give to this world. But I do have the strength and power of my words to help break a stigma that's almost taboo in today's society. I'm an active, almost healthy 32 year old mom who has been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder, MDD, PTSD & Severe Social Stress Anxiety. I may have these things but they do not have me.  I'm not ashamed of what or who I am. There is no label on me, besides proud wife and mother!!! 

If you are suffering from a mental disorder, I am pleading with you to join a support group to help aid you in your recover and DISCOVER the real person who lies within your heart. A label means nothing, it's nothing more than that, A LABEL! Join a group and share with people who have your common interest. If we stand tall and brave, then we will succeed in breaking this Stigma.

I hope my words are strong enough to get just one person to open their eyes and start a huge chain to help others to realize and understand that just because we have a "mental disorder", it doesn't mean that we don't have feelings and are any less human. 

All of my best to you and yours!!
~Malekia

Don't let the sun go down on a single second taken for granted!

   April, is Child Abuse Awareness month and it took reading an article to honestly yank my head out of the clouds and realize all the moments I have taken for granted. I just thought "I loved each and every moment. Cherished the best and shelved the rest for a rainy day." I don't love them enough. I don't cherish them enough!! The honest to God reality is; my prerogatives, ambitions, goals and life in general has got to change!


  Don't ever let the sun go down on a single second taken for granted. It's easy to let a moment be taken for granted, even the most precious ones. We all do it and most of us realize it and just keep marching forward in our daily lives anyway. I am probably one of the guiltiest people in the world for doing this. Being a stay home mom you always think, "Oh, I can do this with her later." .... "I'll watch it with her later" ... "I have to..." 

   
   After reading this article, all of the WHY's are hitting me. All of the HOW's are hitting me. I feel like a small child in the HUGE world of parenting. WHY did I throw out that huge box??? So what it was taking up so much space. Why didn't I think of writing on a mirror with a dry erase marker?? There's so much to do with my child that I would never even consider had it not been for this article. 

http://www.helpandhope.org/index.html

   There's a song written by Evanescence called "Good Enough". When I heard it, I stopped to think, am I good enough to be a parent? Was I properly chosen to be a parent? Am I fit to be a parent? I'm not like these women who wrote the articles and offered out parenting tips and suggestions! What makes me qualified to be a parent? Is there such a thing? No, there's not.

  I'm not perfect... I'm a parent!! 

       While I am happily married, I find myself raising our daughter on my own because he works out of town all the time. His love for us and his dedication to our family to give us the best life possible keeps him on the road all of the time. When it comes right down to it, BOTTOM LINE, that shouldn't matter when it comes to time. He could be home 24/7 and it should never make a difference when our life time-line applies.

    It's not the big things that matter most, it's the small things. Small random moments, little steps... Here's a few things my daughter and I do to fill our days... 

1.) Write a story with your child during the day to read at              night.

2.) Cut a 2 liter bottle in half and create a bean sprout terrarium. (Excellent learning moment, until my "anti-green thumb killed it.)

3.) Make up a super hero name and use random clothing around the house to make a costume. 

4.) Have a "spa day" let your little girl play dress up, play with your make up, use your favorite body wash and perfume. Let
her paint your nails.

5.) Have a tea party

6.) Let your child see how many random objects will balance on your head. (Great for learning weight and balance)

7.) Make up BINGO cards and draw objects instead of numbers. (I write the word on the card and the shape on the call out card. This way we're learning words and how to spell them.)

8.) Use the dining room tables to create a fort. Make some pop corn, crawl inside the canopy and watch a movie. (My daughter loves this. Especially, when it's too hot to play outside.)

9.) Have a picnic style lunch on the front porch.

10.) Bean Bag toss game (I made felt pouches filled with beans and drew on the bags. (Tree, heart, numbers, letters and used large poster boards to make the board.)


   After five years, I have learned I don't have forever. I don't have all the time in the world. The clock is ticking down to the moment where my little girl isn't so little anymore and I don't want to have the regret of, "I wish". Darius Rucker wrote a song about five years ago called, Won't Be Like This For Long. It's a touching song and if you've never heard it, grab some tissues before doing so... 

  I have learned to stop and look, act silly and laugh at little things. Before my baby was born my mom told me, blink and she'll be walking down the aisle. I didn't understand what she meant. But, today I do.